The musings of Carrie

Current Mood: satisfied

I am happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. I am secure. All is possible as long as I focus upon that which I truly want and desire. There is nothing I need to do or be; all that is required is to be you. Once you figure out your desire then focus upon the vibration that will happen when you obtain your desires. Feel the joyfulness in your soul. That is the key to obtaining your desires. Expect to receive. Be open to miracles. Laugh more and worry less. You are truly a blessed being. These were the thoughts of the morning’s drive into work; of course it helped having one of those motivational CD’s playing. At least Brooks wasn’t listening to his own thoughts which tended to be quite opposite of these words. No, his would have been a tad bit sadistic, melancholic and a little pessimistic. He was pleased to remember his own affirmation, no matter if he believed it or not, they were his own words. 

As Brooks settled himself into his office and began to look over the days docket he found that he had an appointment nearly every hour on the hour. Today was going to be one of those days in which was going to be most tiring and most draining. He loved the stories that were told.   Seems even the same hardship stories had twists and turns and only the client would reveal the plot. His goal was to be patient and wait for the unfolding. He pulled the files of his clients for the day, and glanced over them. He wanted to make sure he matched each story to the story teller.

Jumping, he pulled himself out of his thoughts and picked up his phone. “Hello, Oh yes. Send them right in. Thank you.” So, his busy hectic day would begin, and he hoped he’d be able to find lunch sometime during the day. That was one problem, about scheduling clients. Many could come early in the morning, and more of them wanted to schedule during lunch, their lunch, which began at 11:00 am, and continued with the last client leaving at 2:00. Only on Fridays when he refused to see anyone after 1:00. Friday’s was the day to catch on the bureaucratic paperwork for the week.  

As the last client left he realized that he had two clients down and a few more to hear before the end of the day. Brooks took the opportunity to stop and check his messages. “Oh wow…a reprieve” Now, he had the opportunity to get a snack, drink and a restroom break without hurrying. His next client had canceled. He stood up, stretched his long arms toward the ceiling, took some deep breaths and pulled his arms down and humped his back like a cat. The muscles are tight after sitting for hours at a time. He walked out of his office, and looked towards Pat’s office but her door was closed. Usually that meant she was with a client, she rarely closed her door when she wasn’t with a client.

Brooks strolled down the hall towards the so-called coffee shop in the office building. The place was a convenient little nook in the corner at the far end that served a few flavored coffees, cappuccinos, hot chocolate, sodas and some bakery goods. Brooks ordered a French Vanilla Cappuccino and a soft cheese pretzel. Not exactly a meal fit for a champion, but it wasn’t time to eat lunch, and it would keep him from becoming way too hungry. After paying he sat at one of the tables chewed his pretzel and watched the comings and goings of the people in the area. Today the world seemed happy as the people interacted with a sense of civility for once. Smiles and thank you’s were present, but it was only 10:15 am.  The day was young.

Bringing back his cappuccino Brooks walked back into his office. He decided to take his own advice that he tells his clients. He needed to start writing in his journal again. This time, maybe he would set up a blog for this. He would start documenting how his change of negative thoughts/behavior toward the positive through his own struggles and tribulations. Yes, that was it. He would set up a blog. 

Brooks did a search for many of the available free blogs, and there were many to choose from. He had heard and knew some people who used a few of the blogs and some he had no clue about. As he looked the blogs over he could either flip a coin or just pick one without flipping a coin. Then he could post in two blogs with the hopes of creating more traffic. He opened two accounts, and he began.

The life of a melancholic

“I am happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. I have hope, faith and trust in God. My needs, wants and desires are being manifest before my very eyes. All that I am I am. The energy I seek is right here, and right now. Love and Energy is mine because you are Love and Energy. God, you are a part of me, and I am a part of you. I have been in an awful state of mind. I have spent way too much money, and I need your help in getting Clarissa and I out of debt. I am willing to change my thoughts, and my usual ways of handling things. I am willing to leave my melancholic and pessimistic self at your doorstep and walk in new light.”

“My clients benefit from my own abundance and vibration. All I seek is the happiness within me. All I want is to feel really good. All I need is the ability to wipe away my debt, and become a person who is happy, content and relaxed. I want to be a blessing to every person I meet. I know that I have all I need, and I know that all that I want and desire are being manifested before my very eyes. I am very grateful for all that you have given me, and all that will be given to me.”

“I can see the lottery numbers matching my lottery ticket. I know that I am receiving money each day. Checks and cash flow to me everyday, every week. All my bills are being paid, and my debt is gone. I am a magnet for money. I love the excitement of winning the lottery. I love the art of manifestations. I love having a higher vibration. My mind, heart and soul is overflowing in all I do, see, and desire. I can see ahead of me the lottery winnings and knowing that because I desired and wanted this lottery jackpot, I received. God, Nothing is impossible with you.”

“OK, I’m supposed to believe all that I have written here. The real question is do I truly believe? Or maybe the question is Can I believe? The Law of Attraction states that all I have to do is be myself, and know what I want and what I desire. Damn it! I know what I want, and I desire a life without debt and all bills paid. The Law states that I don’t have to do or be anything. I just have to allow. Maybe I need to figure out how to allow. I just don’t know.”

“Well, keep up with me, and we’ll find out how this melancholic man does with his new attitude, or maybe I should say as he changes to become a positive thinking, positive attitude man. Keep in touch.”

With that all said Brooks copied the entry, and pasted it into the other blog. His plans with these blogs are simple. He intends to write in it at least three times a week, and no less than twice a week. Brooks thought about his schedule, and three is pushing it, but he knew that two times each week would do. He hoped and prayed this would help him and hopefully would help others through this writing.

To be continued…

Brooks has branched out into the world of blogging. He sure moves pretty fast on things. His days are eventful, and we still don’t know anything about his clients. I guess he’s keeping that confidential. Well anyway, he’s trying to change, and hopefully it works out.

That’s all for now…

Current Mood: optimistic

Brooks found time after dinner to sit in front of the computer opening his e-mail.  There it was something from LoneeExchange.com. All he’d have to do is follow all of their directions and he would be on his way to earning anywhere from $1000-$5000 per week to $10,000 per month. Wow! That would be $120,000 per year. The income would be about twice as much money as he makes now per year. He found himself smiling and thinking about the money. That’s all that mattered to him. He needed a way a method to make more money. He knew that this couldn’t have been an accident. This was his ticket out of debt.

He read over and over what is promised from joining their company. You can work on your own terms, and feel good every day by helping others while helping yourself at the same time. There is not a big investment, no inventory to maintain, the territory is unlimited, and you have training, marketing and operational support. The program allows you to work part-time, no experience necessary and the benefits are many. While you are learning you will be earning. That is the most important feature. 

As Brooks read and reread this information and more, his interest and excitement peaked. He so wanted to be able to get out of debt, and he really didn’t want to quit his day job. Naturally this would be something totally different, and he wouldn’t have to do hardly anything. He thought that his counseling skills would make him an excellent candidate because he made people feel at ease. The more he read the more he wanted to read.

The next section was entitled perks. He continued to read onward. They promised to take him to Las Vegas, Hawaii, and even Cancun. They promised to take the top leaders and put them up in 5 star luxury hotels and resorts. This is an opportunity of a lifetime he read. This is the way to live the good life and reap rewards you’ve worked hard to achieve as you navigate and build on your business. After reading he had a thought about this whole company. He wondered how this really worked. What did they really mean? He shut down his mind and questions, and then refocused on a game of Mahjongg. That’s what he liked to do…play games. Playing games eased his mind, and helped him to relax.

Hours later he emerged from his computer into the kitchen, and found the house nearly dark. He looked up at the clock, and it read 10:40 pm. “Hmmm,  I didn’t think it was that late.” He thought as he continued toward the bedroom where in the bed was a voluptuous woman, who was reading a new mystery novel. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“Of course you didn’t dear. You never know what time it is when you get on that addictive machine called a computer.” Clarissa snapped. “What is your problem? One minute you are consciously here with me, and the next thing you’re involved in cyberspace. Are you having an online affair?

“No, no, no.” he replied as he began to undress. “I’m trying to find a part-time job that I can use my computer skills and my counseling skills, and be able to stay at home.”

“You know you seem obsessed with money. What’s the deal?” 

“I don’t like it that we’re in debt. I can’t seem to get us out of it. I am the man of the house; I’m supposed to be the bread winner.” He said with a tone of shame. “You make more money than I do, and we have borrowed so much money for remodeling of this house, that I want to use our money for fun things like going on vacations.”

“Look, you know the teachings of the ‘Law of Attraction.’ There is nothing that you need to do say or be. Define what you want, relax and allow. Create higher vibrations and the vibrations will match your desires.” Clarissa said as she looked with care and concern at Brooks. 

“I know what the law says, but somehow I don’t feel that it’s working. But, I may have found something that excites me, and will give me that higher vibration. With this new endeavor money will come.” Brooks said as he climbed into bed. 

“Are you sure this isn’t a scam? You know that many companies offer promises, and then when the person signs up for the program all of a sudden money is owed to that company, and you get nothing.” She said as she patted his thigh.

“I know about those companies. So far they haven’t asked for anything, and I’m being very careful as to what information I give them. Trust me on this.” He said as he reached over pulled her close to him in a heated embrace.

“It’s you I trust. I’m not sure about the companies who claim that they can make you into a millionaire. By the way what are you doing?” She whispered.

“I’m creating a higher vibration. That’s what the law says to do.” He said as his lips and tongue met hers.

To be continued....

Thanks again for stopping by.  I hope you are enjoying the adventures of Brooks.  Will this new opportunity turn out?  Will this be a scam?  We'll find out more later as Brooks investigates. 

That's all for now....

Current Mood: jubilant

Brooks’ client wasn’t due for another 15 minutes. He just thought of a great affirmation, so he picked up the phone, and punched in Pat’s extension. “Hi there. I have just thought and have written my affirmation.” He said smiling but making his voice sounding as serious as possible. “It is this: I positively believe that I am in debt up to my eyeballs, and I am positively just an average man.” He burst out laughing after that last word. He knew that he was kidding, but he also knew that what he said was true. He stopped laughing and looked at the phone receiver hearing only dead air.

“Hey, that wasn’t funny, and you know it. I’m not letting you do that anymore even if you are just joking.” Pat said with hands on her hips standing in the door way.

“You hung up on me. You really hung up on me.” Brooks said as he replaced his phone receiver.

“Yes, I did, and I’d do it again too. There may be a time when you can have fun like that, but not right now. In order to change your thinking and behavior you have to stay focused. Do you hear me?”

Brooks stared at her mouth for he couldn’t believe that she would be so abrupt. “Ok.” He said. “I didn’t know it would cause such a strong outburst.”

“I probably over reacted, but this behavioral therapy needs constant reminders, and you know that. Yes, it was funny for your satisfaction, but I can’t let you go there.” Pat said, and as she was about to spin to her left to turn around she said one more thing. “I want you to be successful, and I want you to see your desires manifest. I know you aren’t happy.” Then she pivoted, and left.

Brooks watched her leave and knew the truth she spoke. He thought, “I was just having fun, but she’s right. I really believe what I said.” He pushed everything aside and reached for his client’s file, and glanced over it to refresh his memory. 

Much later after his last client left, he turned to his computer and began searching for ways to earn extra money through the internet. He found the website which he had seen last night late. He looked over the program, and decided to have them email him, and see what will happen. Drudgingly and with some excitement he filled in all of his personal information in the appropriate text blocks. He didn’t know how else he could make extra money. He didn’t have a lot of time, and maybe this would work. He was sure that some good would come out of this inquiry, and that thought caused him to have hope and excitement.   He thought, “Just think thousands and thousands of dollars, without lifting a finger. Is that really too good to be true?”

Brooks thought about his affirmations, he was to come up with, but he hadn’t come up with any concrete ones. He began to scribble and play with a few phrases. He had written the following:

·         I am deeply fulfilled in all I do.

·         My dreams will come true.

·         I am a blessing to others, and I am fully and totally happy.

·         My life is full of joy, and I share my joy with others.

·         I am happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.

·         I am loved, and I am lovable.

Beside My dreams will come true he wrote “What dreams?” Beside the next one he wrote; “I’m not totally happy, and I’m not fulfilled.” He circled the phrase “I am happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.” Then he wrote I am not lovable. As Brooks looked over the list, he thought about what he felt, and what he believed. None of the phrases were how he really felt at this moment, but he wanted to be happy, and he wanted to stop worrying about money. He knew that worrying just brought about more worrying, and more debt. He was in such a catch-22. Looking up at the clock, he noticed that time had gently moved onward, and he had better start filing his files back, and get a move on. Clarissa would be expecting him, and he was going to be late getting home. “Well,” he thought. “At least she knew that he might be meeting with Pat, and that will by him time.

As Brooks drove he began stating the morning’s mantra:

         Aham Brahmasmi

         Tat Tvam Asi

         Sat Chit Anada

         San Kalpa

         Moksha

         Shiva-Shakti

         Ritam

Then he added I am healthy, wealthy, prosperous and wise. Out loud in the car he said at the top of his voice. “That’s it! By George that’s it! I am healthy, wealthy, prosperous and wise.” He smiled the rest of the way home. At last he finally made some headway. He was happier than he’d been in weeks.

Brooks turned into his drive, and raced himself to the front door fumbled with the lock and threw it opened. “Honey, honey, I’ve got something to tell you. I met with Pat today, and I’ve come up with something wonderful.”

“What are you yelling about? What about Pat? Calm down.” Clarissa said as she met him in the living room.

“Ok, I met with Pat today, and she’s helping me with cognitive behavioral therapy, and she wanted me to write an affirmation for myself, that I could believe. Anyway, on the way home I come up with one. I can’t believe that I came up with a good one. What do you think about this phrase: “I am healthy, wealthy, prosperous and wise? Doesn’t that say everything?”

“That’s great. Yes, I like that phrase. That’s a great affirmation, but let’s tweak it a bit for us.” She said.

“What do you mean tweak it?”

“Instead of I say “We are healthy, wealthy, prosperous and wise.” She said with a grin. 

“I think I can agree to that. In the grand scheme of things we are healthy, wealthy, prosperous and wise. Well, maybe not wealthy and prosperous, but we want to be. Yes, I can do that. We shall.” With all that they embraced in a bear hug, and kissed.

To be continued….

Thanks for stopping by and reading about Brooks, and his decision to change his behavior. What is this about the internet site with the money making scheme. We’ll have to keep an eye out on that possibility.

That’s all for now…

Current Mood: amused

"It's been a very busy day, and it seems that everyone has the same kind of problem.  Nobody listens.  I don't think that's unusal, because we both know that usually around here nobody listens."  Pat said with a smirky grin.  "Are you ready?"

"Do I have a choice?"  smiled Brooks.

"You know you do.  You also know that if you don't, what will happen to your welfare."

"Always comes down to that doesn't it.  I don't have a choice if I want to wake up in the mornings and say 'Today is a great day' and mean it.  Right now, I can say it, but I don't feel it.  That's what I am looking for a way to mean that today is a good day, and the day is perfect.  I want to know and feel that the reason the day is perfect is becuase it's the day I've been given.  I want to truly believe that my attitude really does make a difference.  Right now, I can't think about how to make things perfect, because I can't get my thoughts wrapped around the positive.  So, you see I don't have a choice.  I want a better life."  Brooks stated quickly and matter of factly.

"Well, it seems as if you are ready.  Why do you think you can't grasp ahold and keep your thoughts positive?"

"Hmmmm..."  Brooks took a couple of deep breaths to relax himself.  "I believe that because I lived in a traumatic family, and happiness was only experienced for a brief moments of time.  Arguing was the norm, and if that wasn't happening we were working together on a project for Dad.  He and Mom loved each other, but it still didn't keep them from fighting like dogs and cats.  It was awful."

"I surmised some of that, and I wanted to make sure you understood your propensity to negativity.  That's good.  So, that tells me much.  I'm going to send you with some homework.  Come up with an affirmation or a positive statement that you can believe about having and obtaining happiness."

"Like the sun will come out tomorrow."  Brooks stated.

"No, not like that.  There is no tomorrow there is only now; this present moment."  If you can't figure one out then get back to me after all I'm just next door and a phone call away."  Pat smiled.  She quickly added.  You can do this.  I believe in you, and your motivation and aspirations will help."

"Thanks for the confidence.  You want to meet me next week here about the same time and same day or do you want to meet earlier?"

"I thank we'll not schedule a regular appointment.  We never know what our schedules are going to be."

"True too true.  Ok.  I'll let you know when I have an affirmation."  Brooks stated and then arose, turned and left Pat's office.

To be continued....

Thanks again for stopping by and reading about Brooks.  Tune in for the next episode of the money man.  We'll find out if Brooks is really willing to step into the full out war between positive and negative attitudes.

That's all for now......


 

Current Mood: curious

Thanks again for stopping by to pick up another episode of the Money Man. We begin the day with that rude alarm clock.

The Money Man

By Carrie Fleharty

 Continued….

 “Awk…” cried Brooks, and quickly he turned over and pounded the snooze, the off button any button that would shut that ugly noise out. The volume on the alarm radio clock seemed to have been moved up so that it would blast Brooks and Clarissa out of bed. Brooks prefers to wake up gradually with the music, but not like this. Clarissa would prefer not to have any alarm whatsoever. 
 

“You did that on purpose.” Clarissa accused. “You know how I hate alarm clocks especially ones that blare and roar.”

“I did no such thing. I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened, but it won’t happen again. I’m going to get us that Zen alarm clock. Where you wake up to soothing chimes faint at first then they gradually get louder. When we get enough money, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Whatever.  Just let me lie here in silence for a while. Come on over and snuggle up to me.”

"You bet. But don’t let me be late. You know that when I’m next to you all time evaporates and then I become frenzied trying to get myself to work in some semblance of a decent time.”

“Don’t worry, I just want you here for a while longer. You know you like it too.”

“Can’t argue with that logic.” Brooks rolled back over to spoon with Clarissa, and he began his mantra routine for the morning. He is ever so diligent in stating the seven Sanskrit words. There is a nudging within him to keep on keeping on with those words, those mantra’s. He knows that the truth of those words will help him to become wealthy in every sense of the meaning. He’s not about to stop know.  

While he’s stating the mantra’s his mind begins to loosen, and let go. He then finds himself thinking about Pat and telling her that he will work with her on his cognitive behavioral. He thought Pat and the trust that they have built together. He could trust her on problems at work, his quandaries and irritations. She helped counsel with his own marriage. She was a blessing to both he and Clarissa, and they both considered her a true friend. 

In the meantime of traveling thoughts Clarissa punched Brooks in the side. “Time to get up you bum. You don’t want to be late.” 

“I told you not to let me snooze. I’ll have to hurry now, but I must admit I enjoyed lying there next to you and relaxing, allowing my brain to wander off.”

“Hopefully, your brain will find its way back home.” Chuckled Clarissa. 

“Very funny.” Brooks tossed his light pillow at her. “I’ll have you know that my brain wasn’t very far away.” They both settled down and proceeded with the morning ablutions and rituals. Soon they found themselves meeting in the kitchen at the same time. Brooks usually ate breakfast at home, but today he was running a tad bit behind. “I’ll see you tonight. Love you.” Brooks said as he kissed her. In no time at all he was out the front door, and backed out of the driveway, and was gone towards his home away from home.  

Brooks walked into his office, and began to sort through the calendar, and his day. He checked out his phone messages, and found that he wouldn’t have a client until around 11:00. So, he turned on his computer and began rabbit hunting for achieving wealth and well-being. Many websites are out there, and many of these websites claim that they can make you into a millionaire in no time. “Nothing ever is instant. Everything takes time.” Thought Brooks. Then he stumbled on a website and a quick video stating that he could show you how to make money while you watch football. There was even a picture of the guy’s computer showing a spread sheet of the money he had earned. At one time the video showed the website the guy used to make the money.  Brooks began to think, “Hmmm, it looks good, probably too good to be true, but I think I’ll send for his link. I’ll see if he will truly show me how to make millions or even thousands.   Doesn’t hurt to check.” Brooks filled out the pertinent information and then clicked submit. His last parting thought was, “now’s the time to let the universe fulfill my dream of being wealthy.” 

Brooks continued to search for rabbits, until his phone rang. “Hello.” Pat was on the other end. She would occasionally call him to see if he was free. His door was closed, and she didn’t want to intrude if a client was with him. “Hi Pat. I was going to find you later. No, I have some clients I need to see during the lunch hour. What are you doing this afternoon? I want to have you help me. Clarissa and I decided that your offer of helping me change my behavior through cognitive therapy would be the best. Let me look. Yes, I don’t have an appointment at three. I’ll see you then.” Brooks replaced the phone receiver, and looked up at the ceiling. 

To be continued…         

Current Mood: chipper

Hi folks, and welcome back to another episode of "The Money Man."  I hope you are enjoying the story.  I'm having fun writing it.  Thanks so much for dropping by...Anyway here it is another entry.

The Money Man

By Carrie Fleharty

Continued….

Brooks woke up entangled in sheets, blankets and Clarissa’s arms. “Wow!” he thought that certainly created a higher vibration. He carefully untangled from his wife, the bed, and quietly tip-toed through the mounds of clothes, pulled on shorts and a t-shirt, and headed off to raid the cabinets in the kitchen. His stomach told him he was famished and he deducted that this came from his recent aerobic activity. He pulled out the frosted mini-wheats, a bowl and the milk. He thought that was a decent healthy snack for 11:00 pm.  

He sat down on the cool cherry wooden bar stool, and leaned on the light composite counter to eat.  As he was eating he thought back through the events of the day and the conversations he’d had with Clarissa and his colleagues. Each of those conversations provided himself with much to think about and chew on as he chewed and chomped on his cereal.  

As long as he thought about the good; the conversation with Pat, and the conversation with Clarissa all was well. But those darn negative side conversation pieces were nearly too much to bare. The feeding of the negative side was still happening. He wondered how he could stop feeding it, and how and what he could do differently. Pat came to mind, and he knew that if he was going to learn how to stop feeding his dark side, then Pat’s offer was the best. Changing behavior is hard, difficult, and sometimes near impossible without help.  

He looked up at the ceiling towards nothing, and the light came on and he jumped almost spilling his bowl all over the counter. He was able to use his reaction time to keep the bowl stable. “My God woman, you scared me to death.” 

“Sorry about that,” Clarissa responded.   “I wanted to know where you had crept off to because the bed became lonely, and cold. I suspicioned that I’d find you here in the kitchen.” 

“Yep, that’s me…You know me too well. At least I grabbed something healthy; it’s not ice cream.” 

“I’m not the food police.” 

“Oh yeah, I forgot. I just know I need to eat more healthily, and I was just explaining that I was eating healthy. I guess I expected you to be my conscious.” Brooks laughed. 

“Sorry, I can’t be that. What are you doing up besides eating.” 

Smiling he responded. “I was hungry. You know how I get after our great aerobic sessions. I was rehashing the day. Seemed like a good thing to do.” 

“That may or may not be good. So, tell me what you’re thinking deep within that locked cellar of yours.” Clarissa said as she picked out a bowl, and poured the mini-wheats and milk into the bowl. 

Brooks looked at her with a suspicion, and gently said. ”Well, this morning I woke up and I conducted my usual meditation and mantra. Then my dark wonderful sneaky side decided to argue with me about the mantra. That sent me in a tail spin. I had a full docket of clients, and didn’t take a break until Pat knocked on my door. Then she and I had a discussion about the “Law of Attraction” and me changing my behavior.  

“Yes,” interrupted Clarissa. I remember you telling me about that at dinner, but you didn’t discuss your negative conversation with yourself. Do you do that often?” She asked. 

Brooks shook his head at her. They’d been down this road many times while he was dealing with his depression. He knew she was teasing a little. She liked to keep things light hearted. “Yes, and you’ve known that for years. Anyway, our conversation at BaCall’s gave me a new perspective. I understand a little more about what you believe, and feel about the notion of obtaining your desires, and getting what you want. You seem to understand this better than I. I was just thinking about all of those conversations, and what route would be best for me to take for my own improvement. I’m going to take up Pat’s offer of helping me go through cognitive behavior therapy. That might mean a couple of times a week, I’ll be late.” 

“You certainly have been thinking and pondering the day. I think it’s a good idea. I’ve seen you come a long ways up the road from depression to functionality. I know you want to really incorporate the “Law of Attraction” from your studies. Pat is an excellent person, and I don’t mind you spending time with her.” Clarissa said as she tipped her bowl to finish off the milk. 

“Really? You’re not jealous?”  

“No, I’m not. Besides that gives me time to myself.” She said with a smirk. 

“Well, it’s settled. I’ll talk to Pat tomorrow. I think I’ll go play a game on the computer before I head to bed. You know how that relaxes me. I promise I won’t stay up too late.” 

“You crack me up. I’m not your Mom, and only you know what your day will be like tomorrow. Come back to bed as soon as you can. I enjoy your heat next to me.” 

To be continued… 

The inside joke of the two is that Brooks expected Clarissa in some ways to be like a Mom. That wouldn’t do, and they both found that doesn’t work in a couple’s therapy session conducted by none other than Pat. Thanks for stopping by, and come again. 

That’s all for now….

Current Mood: giggly

The Money Man
By Carrie Fleharty
Continued....

Brooks waved down the server to came over to the booth, and they both ordered two more brews. “So, in essence you’re saying that because I keep asking why I haven’t received that extra money that I’m creating more negativity and therefore I’m only attracting more of the same? You know this new way of thinking is very hard, but I want you to know that I’m trying. My depressive, melancholy nature is so comfortable that I sometimes like to stay there.”

Clarissa looked over with a smile that communicated love between the two and she said, “That melancholy state is one of your redeeming qualities, but not when you stay there. Then it gets turned into full blown depression. We are working on that depression. I know that being melancholic and suffering from depression helps you be a better social worker or therapist.”

Brooks chuckled and said, “You think?”

“Yes, I do think. Anyway back to our discussion. Yes from what I have learned from my studies from the “Law of Attraction” is that when we wonder where, or why, or when, then we have put more negativity back into our vibrations. When our vibrations are at a lower frequency, then we create that doubt.” She said taking a sip from her pilsner.

“I hear you, but I just can’t seem to stay in that positive state. I can’t seem to keep my vibrations high enough. I get back into a cycle of depression then picking myself up by the bootstraps, and achieving a higher vibration only to fall back again, and start all over. Pat and I went out for lunch today…”

“How is Pat?” interrupted Clarissa.

“She’s as great as always. On top of the world, and takes life in stride. I wish I could be more like her.  She always asks about you.”

“I wish we could see her more often. She is so funny, and yet calming too. She is just one of those comforting souls. Anyway what did you two talk about?” She added.

“Well as a matter of fact she has a proposition for me. She volunteered to work with me to help me become a person who automatically chooses happiness and joy. She’d do this with the concept of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Where we work on my thoughts to become in line and create within me a positive person. I haven’t decided whether or not to do this or not. I can do some of it on my own.”

“I think it’s a great idea. You know what they say about losing weight, that if you have a buddy, then you’ll be more likely to be successful. I know that you are capable, but Pat would be good for you. She would give you an objective perspective, and I can’t give you that, and neither can you.”

“Yeah, I know. So, you think I should.” Brooks said not as a question, but not as a statement either. There was hesitation in the way he phrased that statement. Anyway, he took not a sip but a big gulp of his beer as if he was in a dessert dry as the sand. He looked into those eyes of green, and said, “Did you know that I love you? I love you so much that If I could get away with it; I’d strip you down naked right here and right now, and have fun.”

“I’m glad that you love me. I’m happier that you can show restraint. Are you saying that you want to go home?” 

“Hmmm, now there’s a thought. Yes, let’s go home and create some higher vibrations. Let me go pay the bill, and I’ll escort you home my lady.” Grinning from ear to ear, he rose looked at his wife with a lustful eye, and walked to the counter.

They both came home and immediately wandered down the hall to the master suite. Then as if all care was thrown out the window clothes started flying through the air. They soon found themselves meeting on the bed naked and embraced in full passion. Kisses and caressing took over their lives, and for that moment they were locked in their happiness, joy, and contentment. Not a care in the world, no more conversations just love making at its best. 

To be continued…

Thanks for stopping by, and reading “The Money Man.” As you can see love making and conversation are strong helpers in creating higher vibrations. Come back soon to find another entry, and find out more about Brooks and Clarissa.

That’s all for now….

Current Mood: melancholy

Brooks returned home without any further damage to himself mentally or emotionally. He found the drive home to uneventful, and almost pleasant. The drivers creating the traffic seemed to be making sound decisions, and were most uncharacteristically careful. Turning into his driveway he noticed that Clarissa was home, and heart took a leap of joy. 

“Hi babe I’m home.” Brooks stated as he closed the front door. Clarissa popped out from the hall as if by magic. 

“Hi what would you like to do this evening? Do you want to go out and get a burger or something?” Clarissa asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it at all. If we go to our favorite burger place, then we won’t be spending much money. We like the atmosphere, and the people who own the place. So, yeah, let’s go to BaCall’s. When do you want to go?” Brooks stated as he walked over and gave Clarissa a big hug and kiss.

“Whatever’s best for you. I’m sure you want to change clothes first. I just want to spend quality relaxing time with you. This week you have seemed so…so distant. I just think we need to have a date night.” Clarissa stated as she held onto Brooks’ hands, and looking into his eyes. 

“Thanks; that’s a great idea. I have been a little distracted. Let me change into my comfy jeans and sneakers, and then we can be on our way.” Brooks turned and headed down the hall toward the master bedroom and began thinking once again about his finances. Could they afford to go to BaCall’s? He knew that they would be able to eat for less than $20.00, but then again they had decided to not eat out much. Eating out had been decided as a luxury, and be limited to six or less times a month. The thought of a hamburger fries and a cold draft sounded so good. 

Clarissa began to get the house ready for them to leave. She turned all the lights off but the one in the living area and locked the back door. Brooks found her at the front door almost at the exact moment he arrived. Then she responded, “Dinners on me.”

“Really, then maybe we shouldn’t go out, and I’ll go get the food while you undress and lie on the bed.” Brooks said smiling from ear to ear with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. 

“That isn’t what I meant and you know it. I received an unexpected gift today at work.”

“Really what was it?”

“I’ll tell you if you don’t interrupt me? Anyway I had done some proofing of a proposal for the company. In response of that extra work, they gave me a $100.00 and I felt that going out to eat even if it’s BaCall’s that we needed to celebrate.” She stated.

“That’s an excellent idea, and that’s wonderful. Be sure you buy something fun for yourself as well. I think going to BaCall’s is fun for us both. I know you sacrifice your salary for us, because I’m not financially savvy.” Brooks felt that he was worse than that, but knew not to say what his true feelings were for his inability to manage his money. After all he had brought them to near financial ruin with some of his endeavors to better himself at work, and become certified in another area.   

Arriving at BaCall’s they said hello to the owner, and a few other people in the burger place and sat in a booth next to the far wall. They both ordered a brew, basket of fries and two cheeseburgers with the onions fried in, pickles and mustard only. They sat back and chatted about the day, and enjoyed every bite. Then Brooks decided to break the small chat, and ask a pointed question.

“Do you believe in the “Law of Attraction?” and do you believe that the law really works? More importantly does it work for people like us?”

“Hmmm…That’s a deep question. Let me think for a few seconds before I answer.” Clarissa took a slow sip of her beer and looked away for a moment to clear her thoughts. “Yes, I believe it works. I think I gave proof of that today when I received the $100 in cash.   I wasn’t expecting that, but I have been sending out thoughts to attract more money. The Universe heard me, and the cash appeared in my hand today.”

“You have a point.” Brooks stated. “However, I don’t see it working consistently for us. You know I have been working on my attitude, and wanting to attract money. I don’t like what I did to us, but that’s over and done with and now I’m being more grateful, but our finances are status quo. That is except for today. Every day I come home to look through the mail for unexpected checks, and I have yet to receive any.   To me I don’t see us obtaining our desires on consistency.”

Clarissa looked and stared at him for nearly a minute while Books stared back. He could not guess what she was thinking, and he wanted to know. “What are you thinking my dear?”

“It’s nothing; I’m just looking into your soul.”

“No, you are thinking something, and I want to know. Spill it…We have ways to make you talk.” He said in a fake pseudo German accent, and then laughter broke from their table.

“Ok, let’s look at our lives and see where the “Law of Attraction” has worked in our lives. There is proof in our life together. The way I understand the Law is that our feelings and emotions create the vibration. When we create a positive, joyous vibration then we create the ability to attract our desires. I was just thinking that by asking why it’s not working then we have created a slower vibration which slows the process down, and we don’t obtain our desires.” She responded.

“I hear you, and I think this is going to be a long conversation. I’m having another beer. Do you want one?”

“Sure,” she said.

To be continued....

Another entry to the Money Man Project. I hope all of you are doing well, and enjoying this story. Mostly I hope everyone is warm. Sure is cold outside. The temp was at 4 degrees when I got up to start writing. Now it’s 6 degrees. Whew…A warming trend.   I’ll keep writing, and you guys keep reading. We’ll all find out later. Have a great day.

That’s all for now….

Current Mood: curious

Hi folks,
Thanks for stoopping by and reading the next entry to the "Money Man."

The Money Man
By Carrie Fleharty

Continued...

Clients have come and gone with not a moment of rest except to do little personal tasks, and Brooks needed a break.  A knock was heard at the door; Brooks looked up to see Pat standing in the doorway.  She had a smile on her face as big as the sun and as usual reflected her soul.  She was the type of person that nothing ever seemed to ruffle her feathers.  “Hi, what’s up doc?” replied Brooks.

“I noticed you’ve been very busy and wanted to know if you want to go have lunch.  All work and no food, makes a person grumpy.”  Pat stated.

“Are you calling me grumpy?”

“I would never call you grumpy, maybe sleepy, maybe sneezy, or even doc, but never grumpy.  We haven’t had much time lately, and I’ve got an hour or so before I have to be back to see people.”  She responded with a chuckle.

“Sounds good to me; let’s go to the deli around the corner.  It’s now been opened a few weeks, and I haven’t been in there yet.  I’ll need to be back here in an hour; I have another client.  My docket is full today.”

“I can tell.  I’ll meet you in the lobby in about 5 minutes.  Deal?”

“Deal.  See you there.”  Brooks needed food, and today was the perfect day to eat with someone.  He needed to keep his mind occupied and away from his own negative destructive thoughts.  Gathering his wits, thoughts and jacket he closed the office door and met Pat in the lobby.

The deli filled the air with luscious aromas making both seem more hungry than usual.  Pat ordered a half Reuben, and Brooks ordered a Tuna Melt.  They picked a round table in the corner away from most everyone, and chatted about the day, the office politics and family.  Brooks was attentive, as best he could be for a man who was on the brink of depression or desperation.  He peered into Pat’s eyes and asked, “Do you truly believe that a person can have the desires of their heart?  That the Law of Attraction really works?”

Pat took a deep breath and said, “Sure…we attract or draw to ourselves what we put our focus and attention towards.  It’s a very simple law, and yet most people aren’t aware of how it works.”

“Why do you suppose that is?” asked Brooks.  I understand the concept, but for some strange reason, I’m not utilizing the law, and I’m not benefiting the way I want or…in other words I’m not receiving my desires.”

“So think about what you are saying a moment.  If you believe that you’re not benefiting from the law of attraction it’s because you don’t truly believe it works.  Stop asking when and why it’s not working then your focus is on the “not” and not having.  Most people forget to, (we’ll use the familiar phrase) let go of the outcome.  We expect the outcome to be when, where, and how we have manifested it in our dreams, in our mind.  When in actuality the universe gives us our desires in the manner or time that is best for us.  So, in essence when you can believe you already have the very desire is when you will get your desires.”

“Pat, it’s so complicated at times.  I know what I want, and I don’t care how and when I’ll get it, but right now would be preferable, and I understand that I’m the one causing the problem in my own situation.  I guess I’m s till too negative.  My thoughts are my worst enemy.  I guess I still need to work on my attitude.”

“Sounds like you need cognitive behavioral therapy.”  Pat stated.  “Have you thought about going to someone to have them help you with it?”

“Well to be honest no.  You know the phrase physician heal thyself.  I thought I’d change it to psychologist heal thyself.  I’m doing some of it on my own in other words.”

“That’s good, but I think you need some outside help.  Here’s something for you to consider; I would volunteer my time to help you change your thinking behavior.  I don’t have as many clients as you do.  Also I have your background and you wouldn’t have to start any therapy over again.”  Pat suggested as she reached across the table to touch Brooks’ hand.

“I tell you what, Pat, I’ll think that over and get back with you in a week or so to give you an answer.  I’m not sure it would be a good idea because we are close friends.”

“That’s all the more reason for me to help, but you think it over.”

“Ok.” Pat responded and they both gathered up their trash found the trash can, and then walked out together.  They headed back towards the office.  Pat headed to her own office.   Brooks’ next client was waiting for him.  “I’ll be with you in a moment.  Let me get my office ready.”

To be continued….

Another entry to the Money Man Project.  I hope all of you are doing well, and enjoying this story.  At this moment I have no idea whether or not this is a short story or a book. I’ll keep writing, and you guys keep reading.  We’ll all find out later.  Have a great day.

That’s all for now…

Current Mood: contemplative

Hi Folks,

Thanks for stopping by, and we'll pick up with the story of Brooks and his money problems.  I hope all of you enjoy this little story.   

As Brooks watched the news, which as usual, brought about gloom and doom from around the world, his wife Clarissa was busying herself with dinner and other house chores.  She would often ask him about his day, or about the mail, and he would tell her in such a way to keep his emotions in check.  She was the last person in the world that he wanted to upset, or cause unnecessary worry.  He would never lie to her, but sometimes he might hold a truth back from her.  He was very careful in the use of his words.  He didn't like holding back anything from her.  His guilt feelings were nearly unbearable at times.  Brooks knew the truth of the whole situation and what was best for their relationship, but for now partial truth was the only way to keep his own sanity.  

The evening wore on the house quieted; Brooks and Clarissa sat by the warm fire to enjoy their reading.  While Clarissa read mystery books to escape, Brooks read books about the Universal Laws, and ways in which to employ them in everyday life.  He read Chopra, Hicks, Hays, and many others.  This night he was reading one of Deepak Chopra’s books.  This one had caught his eye for the title was unique The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire.  This title caught his eye for it sparked a memory of another life.  “Delight yourself in the Lord for he will give you the Desires of your heart.” Psalms 34:4.

The chapter from about using the ancient language from the Sanskrit hit a marker in his brain.  For in this chapter were the words that would help him to manifest his own desires.  He must learn them, and he must say them daily.  He scrambled around rustling papers disturbing Clarissa who just looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m looking for my notebook, and I need a writing utensil.  I always keep them together, and they are usually by this chair.  I have found my notebook, but not my pen.”

Reaching over to the end table she picked up a blue fine point pen, and said, “Here catch.”  Smiling at him as he caught the pen, she shook her head.

“Thanks.  Whatever would I do without you?”

“I don’t want to find,” out she responded chuckling.

Catching the pen he immediately began to write these six powerful words.  All of the words meant something very specific about his relationship with himself, the universe, others, inner dialogue organizing power, being in balance with attributes and powers inside of him of the gods and goddesses, and being alert to coincidences knowing that they are messages from God.  These words were as follows:

·         Aham Brahmasmi

·         Tat Tvam Asi

·         Sat Chit Anada

·         San Kalpa

·         Moksha

·         Shiva-Shakti

·         Ritam

He wrote them down, he wrote the meaning of each of the words, and he worked on memorizing them.  His biggest desire in his heart was to learn how to manifest not just money, but true wealth.  He wanted and desired to be able to have spending money, cash, in his wallet at all times.  He desired to have not just $10.00 but $50-100.00 at any given time, and all of the time.  If he could open his wallet and see that $100.00 he would feel rich, and wealthy. 

To be continued....

That's all for now...

Current Mood: anxious

Hi folks,
Thanks for stopping by. I hope all are well on this day. Here is another short story based on fears of lack. Fear of not having money. Fear of failure. Fear of not having faith, hope and trust. As you read it will be a good reminder to count your many blessings. I hope you enjoy your reading...

I Believe
By Carrie Fleharty

I believe in miracles. I believe in angels. I believe in the Universal Laws, and I believe in the Law of Attraction. I believe in prayer for I’m praying right now. My prayer is simple and that is that somehow, sometime in the next two days my bank balance expands from red numbers with parenthesis to black numbers with lots of digits. I believe in magic and I believe that my bank account can read from -$297.00 to +$2,970.00. I know and understand that this WILL happen.

Miracles do and occur on a daily basis…

As I open my bank account online and check my balance I see that the numbers read -$297.00. Damn! How could this be? I can’t get ahead. I can’t seem to get things in the black. Tears are streaming down my face and off my chin. My mind begins its usual storming as the battle call has been sounds. The lines are drawn and the call of charge is heard.

The battle is being engaged between the enlightened kind-hearted gentle soul and the brutal harsh self-hating, self-loathing soul. As they meet upon the battle ground they charge each other with full force of lances, spears, bows, and guns. The sound of the metal upon metal can be heard for miles upon miles. The battlefield cries are heard from each. The war is here and the winner is yet to be determined.

The harsh soul starts the chaos with shouts of: “I hate you. You are a piece of Shit. How can you keep doing this over and over again and again? What are you thinking? Why can’t you keep track of your money? Don’t tell us it’s because you can’t. What is it with you? You promised yourself you’d not live paycheck to paycheck. Yet, you do, and that seems like all you know how to do.”

The gentle soft soul responds: “Now stop that. You can’t go there. You are worthwhile. You know how to handle money, and you can have wealth. The truth is you have much to be thankful for; and remember God is there helping you. Rely on what you need which is Faith, Hope and Trust. These three will get you through this dark hour. Calm yourself.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down. You and your stupid idea of becoming a life coach. How dare you? That’s where all your money went, and that was soooooo verrrrrrry stupid. You let that man take your money, and you’ve got nothing to show for it. Nothing! He needs to pay you or give you some clients. He’s not going to a damn thing to help you. He needs to, but he won’t.”

“I know, but that’s in my past. This is now with you and our battle not my battle with him. I must not go back and relive my past. I am not desperate. I will soon have all the money I need at my fingertips. I will owe NO ONE! Do you hear me? NO ONE!

“Yeah, yeah. We’ve heard that before. You see that B.S. positive thinking is for others or it’s a bunch of crap. I can feel positive for eternity and nothing will happen. Get Real!”

“No it will work. I know it works. There is plenty of money. The world and the universe are truly limitless. I don’t have to do a thing. I know and feel the frenzy of winning: the lottery, any sweepstakes, Publisher’s Clearing House, selling 100, 500, 1000 books. All is well! All is good! I have +$2970.00 in my checking account as of Monday December 7^th, 2009. “

“The Truth of the matter is I don’t have to do anything. All the money I need is on its way to me, and I am living in harmony and peace. I have Faith, Hope and Trust!

That's all for now...

Current Mood: recumbent

Hi Folks,

Here is more of the story of the Tom Katte Family.  I hope you are enjoying this story.  I'm enjoying writing the story.

Tom Katte Family Continued...
By Carrie Fleharty

Fuss and Cuss were in competition of their Dad's love and admiration whether they realized this has yet to be determined.  Fuss and Cuss were treated exactly the same.  Right or wrong doesn't matter.  That's the way the kids were treated by Tom and Jean.  They wanted to say that the two were loved equally.  Equality is not all that it's cracked up to be.  Just ask Cuss. 

After the move life was good as far as the outside world could tell.  There are times and often the house would rock with the sound of loud mews and outstanding crashes.  Tom and Jean would scratch and mew their differences very loudly.  Tom expected to get his way, and Jean hated to always back down to his very ways.  Then again...Jean was controlling and wanted to control her life.  Tom wanted to control everything, and he wanted everyone to do things his way.  Truth be told his way was the only way.

This setup of the family made life more difficult.  Both Cuss and Fuss couldn't understand that their feline parents could love that way.  The two boy kittys were scared at times.  Their home was not stable with that love, the parents could at anytime start the arguments that screamed of disharmony. 

Disharmony caused Fuss to do things more like his Dad, and do things to help out his Mom.  Cuss just seemed to want what he wanted, and that's all that mattered to him.  He knew his Mom intervened for him between he and his Dad, and he and his brother Fuss.  All of this made the two small cats grow up with some mental health trouble.

Fuss grew up and unknowingly to him he was the most favored boy.  His parents would buy him the things that he wanted, and often buy Cuss the same type of thing or the very exact thing.  .  At times it seemed as if the two boys were treated as if they were twins.  They weren't and the two especially Cuss hated that treatment.  They weren't twins.  Never have been, and never will be, and the rift between the two boy cats began to widen.

Traveling they stopped at a major feline department store.  Cuss was having his birthday.  His Mom and Dad told him he could have anything he wanted in the store.  He chose a bright looking hammock type swing.  He knew that he could have that swing.  After diligently looking at every kind of toy, implement, cat perch in the store, and he had his mind set.  Guess what?  You bet...The feline parents said no. 

Cuss became enraged.  His claws came out, he hissed at everyone, and mewed so loud that it embarrassed his parents.  His Dad and Mom refused to purchase his cat hammock.  He didn't understand why. After all they told him he could have anything he wanted.  So, you see, Cuss had reasons to have a chip on his shoulder.   He wasn't like Fuss, or Dad, or Mom.  He was his own feline animality.  He might as well feel as if he was adopted.  For no one would treat their own biological cat son that way.  No one!


Tune in again in a few days hopefully sooner than this last one for more of the Tom Katte Family Story...Another litter is born, and they add a daughter.

That's all for now...
 

Current Mood: enthralled

John shook his head as if he were shaking off his anger toward the world.  He didn’t want to unleash his mountain lion on his best friend, and he knew what that would be like.  He breathed.  “OK, here’s the deal.  I’ve been trying to keep this to myself.  For the most part I’ve handled things relatively well.  I just can’t keep two sides of the coin going all the time.  I want to be totally me, and I want to love myself.  Six months ago I put myself into therapy once again.  This time I needed to change my thought process.  I needed help in loving myself and learning that I am a wonderful person.  All my life I’ve had a deep self-hatred and at one time suicide seemed to be my only choice.”  John paused.  “This topic that you brought up became something I couldn’t handle.”

Kim responded.  “How so?”

“Well…you see…uh…how do I put this?  I feel as if I’m barely living.  I believe that my life could fall apart at any given moment.  At times I feel as if all the gears and springs would break that are holding me together.  My fear is this will happen when  I’m in my classroom with my students, and splang…parts, springs, and more parts fly everywhere, and you folks would have to call the men with the white coats carrying a straight jacket.  That’s not fair for anyone to see.  In order for me to keep myself together every morning I put on my mask for the day.  You see only one aspect of me, my friends see a totally different me, and my family sees another.  My psychiatrist tells me that I’ve been living three different lives and it’s time I stopped.”

Looking up towards the blue sky with painted fluffy clouds he continued.  “Each morning I get up and I dread walking out the door of my own house.  Each day just before I leave; I pray that no one finds out about my truth.  I pray that I hold myself together in order to make it through the day.  I don’t even ask to have a good day.  I ask only to make it this day.”

Interrupting quickly Kim interjected, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?  I am one of your best friends.  I know that at times you seem to hold yourself down by expecting perfection.  I’ve been through many adversities with you.  John, we are the dynamic duo we are friends.”

“I know, I know.  What can I say?”

“Everything…You tell me everything.  Spill your guts boy.  Tell me what triggered all of this, and especially today’s outbreak?  Besides the masks.  What is it?”

Frustrated John spurted, “I’m getting to it.  I really thought I could hide behind my research, my classes, my students and being an excellent professor.  Being that over achiever would keep me hidden among everything, and no one would need to know anything personal.  Since I’ve been here, I’ve kept my personal life outside the office and the classroom.  In that process, I’ve kept my true self from everyone.  Within time and each day I put that mask on, I get crankier, and it becomes harder to hide.  The way I dress, the way I pick my trade mark tie is my ritual for a compensation of a mask.”

“Yes, we talked about that a minute ago.  What’s the big deal?” 

“The tie is related to my character just as if I were a character in a story.  When I look into the mirror I make certain that I have put my mask on for that day.  You know me better than anyone, but you really know nothing about my personal social life.  Well, I have come to understand that the only person I’m fooling is me.  Dr. Sawyer has told me and explained to me many times that people believe what they want to believe.  My beliefs has always been that if people knew the real me, then I would be hated just as much as I hate myself.”

“You and I are close friends but how often do I tell you how I really feel?”

Kim thought for a minute…”Not much.  You keep your emotions mainly to yourself.”

“That’s right.  I consciously put a mask on to control my feelings.  The ties help accomplish this, because I use them to either send humor toward everyone, but most often just keep everyone pondering on what I’m thinking or doing.  The tie is my mask, and keeps my emotions to myself.  The mask keeps me in my own shadows.  Are you getting where this is going?”

“I think I do.  Well, at least I’m beginning to comprehend.  So, my topic of masks and shadows was too close to your emotional upheaval that you’re feeling and attempting to hide.  Today you thought you could manage the meeting while continuing to hide behind your own mask.  Have I got it” This time Kim stared at the turtles on the log after one of them dove into the  pond.

“I should have known better, but I tried one more time.  Dr. Sawyer told me that that time would come that holding emotions in would no longer serve me.  I believe I have reached that time.  He’s been working with me so that I would begin feeling my emotions immediately.  I’m not used to it!  I think that flow of spontaneous response got to me today.”

“I think you’re right.  Are you just working on feeling your emotions or is there something else?”  Kim said as she switched from turtles to Johns eyes.

“Are you a true intuitive?”

“Maybe, but that’s not the topic we’re talking about.  Give it up John expunge yourself.  I know you, so just stop hiding with me.  Why do you want to hide your emotions?”

“Because I’m a man.  We’re not supposed to be feeling.”  John said with a chuckle in his throat.

“I’m not going there with you on that one.  Quit being so flippant.”

John continued with sincerity, “It seems that emotions were not felt in my family.  I was ridiculed, beaten, scolded told that I was a whiner, and told to keep my mouth shut.  I know it’s not my fault which I know, but I wasn’t safe expressing my thoughts or feelings.  In fact I wasn’t safe to be me.  Throughout my life especially in my family I hid everything, and that makes for a hard life.”

“Yes, it does, and I bet it’s interfered with your teaching of literature and writings.”

“My writing has suffered more than anything, but I use it to release my emotions.  I overcame the teaching aspect because I was a darn good researcher.  I’ve learned to compensate, but it’s getting harder and harder to hide.  I am changing and with therapy I’m changing faster than I anticipated.  The tie as my mask is becoming useless, and I can’t even hide in my shadows.” John sighed.

Kim now knew.  He wondered if any of this would change their friendship, but he knew her to be a loyal friend, and he was counting on that.  Sounds from the rippling water the rustle of falling leaves and a few honks from the geese were the only sounds heard.  John reached over and took Kim’s hand.  “I’m sorry I stormed out today, but I’m sorry I hadn’t talked to you earlier.  Maybe if I had I might not have fallen apart during the meeting today.  Anyway, I have one question for you.”

“Sure what is it?”

“Will you help me save face among my colleagues?  I don’t really want them to know anything about me especially Gwen and Sarah.  They would have a heyday with this information, and broadcast it among the whole campus. 

Kim snickered.  “You bet we’ll figure out something.  First we need to find Bob, and convince him.  He will be our first line of defense.  I’m sure that will be easily done.”

“Sounds like a plan, and the start of a beautiful friendship.  There’s a movie in there somewhere.” John added.

THE END

I hope you enjoyed the story.  Look for more stories coming soon.

That's all for now.

Current Mood: restless

John couldn’t believe that he just walked out on everyone.  Hearing the distinguished sound of Kim’s ring reaching into his back pocket he pulled out the cell and quickly turned it off.  Walking and walking his mind began to think of where he could go, that no one would find him.  Not even Kim, and he knew her, she would be hot on his heels.  He had gone the wrong direction to get into his car easily; anyway she’d look there first.  “Where to go,” was his thoughts as he kept aimlessly walking.  Then as if a lightning bolt hit him he knew, and hurriedly turned north to his special contemplative place.  This was his second office.  No phones, no motor cars, no luxuries, and very little people of which most were strangers.

As he found his favorite spot he looked across the rippled pond and gazed at the swans and geese.  Safe at last he thought, and safe to clear his mind, his thoughts, brush away the cobwebs and the day.  “God, what a day.  Help me to calm myself, and gain back face with my colleagues.”  He practiced his meditative breathing; in and out, in and out and feeling much more relaxed, but not at happiness.

The hourglass would have been turned twice when Kim sidled up to him on the bench overlooking the pond.  Looking everywhere on campus Kim checked one of his classrooms just to make sure, and there on the whiteboard was a clue.  There written in plain site was a writing prompt:  “Describe a place that gives you comfort, safety and solitude.”  At that very moment her memory engaged and she knew where to find her upset friend.

“John, what’s up with you?  What’s wrong?  You can tell me.  You are safe with me.  I care about you, and I don’t want to cause you pain.”

John glanced to his left a minute, and then spoke with a tension behind every word.  “You, you of all people.  Why in the hell did you pick this subject to discuss?  All of the possibilities and you picked this one.  Why?”

“Easy there.  I didn’t pick the topic Bob did.  I originally just wanted to keep Gwen, Sarah and Mary from causing a ruckus about what was considered a good teaching project.  I had no idea we were going to have the round table discussion.  If I had known that this was going to bother you in any way, shape or form, then I wouldn’t have brought it up.

“Hell, you should have known!”  John said trying to hold in his volcano that could erupt at any given moment.  He continued, “Bob will pick anything especially a topic that would cause each of us to do research.  He loves to give us work.  I’m surprised he didn’t have everyone submit a small research paper to him, so that he could convert it into an article.  He’s always looking at our research to be published and claim as his own work.  He uses us for his gain at our expense.  You know that, we’ve talked about this many, many times.”  John stopped and looked at Kim searching for words to keep away from the real problem.

“I know he does.”

“He likes to make himself look brilliant among the other staff, and the board of regents.  He thinks that we don’t know what he’s doing?  Hell he doesn’t. Most of the other department heads think he is, but there are a few who know the truth.”  As John looked at a log a half dozen turtles had crawled up onto to sun themselves.  He punched Kim, “Look at those turtles.  Wouldn’t it be great to be like them?”

“Yeah, they always make me smile too.”  Kim turned back to John, and glared for a moment.  “John I’m not here to discuss Bob and his tactics.  I’m here out of my concern for you.  What happened today is just not like you.  Not at all.  I’m safe.  We know more about each other than anyone in the world.  Talk to me.  Tell me what you are thinking and feeling.  I had no intention of hurting you.”

Breathing heavily with a big sigh and picked up his tie and held it in his hand.  “Do you see this tie?  Each day I pick out a tie that fits my mood.  Sometimes I choose one to remind me that I am a fun person.”  John let his tie flop down back to his chest.

“Yes, you are known for your wild, funny, weird and classic ties.  What does that have to do with you storming out of the room today?”

“I know I shouldn’t have left, but I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I thought I was more prepared mentally and emotionally than I was.  I didn’t want it to be a long drawn out argument, and Bob’s such an idiot that he’d let it go on and on and on until we beat each other up.” 

Kim took a breath and waited for the right words.  “That’s not the truth and you know it.  That’s a cop out.  Tell me the whole story.  You were prepared and calm when we sat down together.  We’re not just the dynamic duo; we are partners, and best friends.  I want to know.  Tell me.”  Kim was hoping that she hadn’t crossed the burning bridge of hatefulness.  She looked into his eyes and saw his volcanic fire, and gasped.

To Be Continued.....

That's all for now...